Journey to the Mother-In-Law Land: Part II Posh Digs, A Viewtiful Hike, and JAWS

So after we said our goodbyes Kim and I were on our way to have a little adventure on our own. I must say that I was quite impressed with our lodgings in Cape Town. Kim definitely did her homework and we reaped the benefits. An African Villa was very stylish and contemporary, yet still retained a coziness that was enhanced via the friendly and helpful staff. I pretty much felt like I was staying with my rich Aunt Bertha...and I don't even have a rich Aunt Bertha!



After settling into our digs we immediately ventured to Table Mountain for a long, arduous hike. Comparatively speaking, I don't know how this hike fares with other hikes, but for us non-hikers it was definitely brutal. I mean, it's pretty much like climbing several thousand steps while the sun slaps you silly with its hot death rays. I guess it didn't help matters that Kim's allergies were acting up and we had nary a tissue--so it was my crosswords to the rescue! Kim proceeded to blow her nose into the newspapers that I had brought in my backpack as one of my many travel distractions.



28 Across: Snot; 37 Down: Boogers



So after about 20 breaks in which we took in the picturesque views and caught our breath, we made it to the top. Despite all our doubts about accomplishing such a Herculean task, we made it relatively unscathed and rewarded ourselves with an overpriced mediocre lunch. Check out some of these views which made the whole ordeal all worthwhile:



So that was our hike in a nutshell (it was a really, REALLY big nutshell). Now, onto the Deep Sea Demons, the Titans of Terror, the The Masters of Gnashing Gashing and Thrashing, the mighty Great White! Read on about our encounter with these beautiful beasts....

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So the next day of our trip was without question to be the most exciting time that we had in South Africa. We woke up at the buttcrack of dawn and coasted through mostly empty streets to make it to the sleepy coastal town destination of Gans Bay (or Gansbaii). There we were to embark on a journey of Jacques Cousteau-ian proportions. Before I get into that, however, let me tell you a little something about Kim and I. Typically I am the more adventurous, spontaneous one and Kim is more of the even-tempered, rational/conventional type--we have just kind of implicitly accepted these designations for ourselves. Well, as if to demonstrate that our roles are not so rigidly determined afterall, Kim had suggested some time ago that we go on a Great White Shark cage dive. I immediately thought, "You must be mad" before almost soiling myself while contemplating such a terrifying endeavor. I thought, "Who in their right mind would want to come face to face with one of nature's fiercest predators?" Kim certainly did, I certainly didn't. For all of my capacity for rational thought I couldn't shake this phobia of sharks. Thanks a lot, Steven Spielburg!

So anyway, I've held on to this irrational belief that some shark was going to make me his chum, even though the statistics show that about 8 people died of shark attacks last year and over 700 people died toaster-related deaths. Now certainly this factoid doesn't take into account the non-fatal and unreported shark attacks as well as the people who purposely bathed with their plugged in toasters, but it definitely hints at the absurdity of the fear, and further illuminates how our perceptions of sharks are actually skewed by sensational reporting and emotionally-tinged ignorance. For the sake of conquering my fear I decided to go along with it. I mean, what better way to conquer your fear than to meet it face to face?

And meet it face to face I did. But you know something? I was more overcome by awe than sheer terror--these beasts from the deep were simply an awesome sight to behold! Don't get me wrong--I was pretty scared at first, especially considering that Kim and I were volunteered to be the first victims! Now there was no guarantee that we were going to see anything--I think the odds were like 60 percent. I remember thinking that I would've felt quite fine about not seeing anything thank-you-very-much, but in retrospect I'm so thrilled that I did. So anyway, after suiting up we immediately plunged into the icy cold waters. We were told that we were in luck, as a Great White was coming in to greet us! Now I'll just let the pictures do the rest of the recounting:

What the hell have you gotten me into?



The rest of our time at Cape Town included a penguin-filled beach (yeah, you read that correctly--peep the pic for photo proof), a visit to the South African Naval Museum (to find the honorary medal of Granny's deceased husband Paul which is proudly on display there), a gorgeous coastal drive, a few wineries, an aquarium, and of course plenty of shopping and delicious eats!

Leader of the tuxedoed bunch

In memory of Paul





Beautiful wine estate, beautiful woman

I've had enough of sharks


This is supposed to be for 2--more like 4!


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Of course, no trip to South Africa would be complete without a mugging. What did you expect? It's not all gawking at animals, sunny beaches, and beautiful locales all the time--there's the locals to contend with! Considering that there's a 50 percent unemployment rate and the government is in its relative infancy since abolishing apartheid, there's a lot of poverty not to mention the AIDS epidemic which is just monstrous over there.

Anyway, back to the mugging. Well, it's probably more accurate to say that it was a near-mugging as nothing was actually muggled. It happened towards the end of our stay on a particularly busy street in broad mid-afternoon daylight! Two teenaged youths approached Kim and I to hit us up for some cash. Now I don't mind giving to the needy on occasion, but not when they are particularly aggressive about it. These kids would just not give up and wouldn't take "no" for an answer. They proceeded to position themselves in such a way as to split me off from Kim who, in a semi-panicked state, was starting to pick up her pace. It all happened in a flash, but I soon found myself staring at a shiny blade which, until the time that the kid flashed it, had been concealed in his pocket. Luckily for me, I had my hands in my pockets--one hand was protecting my wallet, the other had taken ahold of my car keys. I instinctively whipped out the hand that was grasping the keys, but before doing so I arranged my fingers in such a way that the key stuck out between my knuckles. Now I've never been to prison, but I'm well aware of shanks--just about anything can be used as a weapon and can be a particularly effective deterrant based on how you wield it. I guess I was wielding the keys with such authoritative aggression that this kid backed down and turned into an alley as Kim and I crossed the street to safety.

Surely this was quite a harrowing experience, but it didn't taint our love for the land or the people. It pretty much expedited our desire to leave at that point, however, and return to our day-to-day lives.

The sun sets on our journey...

Do we haveta leave tomorrow?


All-in-all it was a wondrous time infused with the spirit of adventure and exploration and full of familial connection coupled with awe-inspiring moments with nature. Thanks for sharing in my experience. Until next time dear readers...

Journey to the Mother-In-Law Land: Part I In Search of Lions

Howdy readership. I figured I'd regale you with my recent excursions into the country of South Africa. Not to be merely confused withthe southernmost tip of the CONTINENT of Africa, mind you (which most Americans seems to think is a country anyway), South Africa is a beautiful, beautiful country. Yeah, it has its problems such as a reported %50 unemployment rate and coexisting poverty and crime, but so does any country.

Part of my motivation for writing this is to ensure that my recent experience there does not fade into the hazy recesses of my mind, only to be slightly jogged by the numerous photos that were snapped. For those who have had the pleasure of seeing the shots of the gorgeous countryside and wildlife (not to mention the obligatory tourist pose shots), this blog entry is to serve as a sort of adjunct to those visual aids. A kind of backstory, as it were. Anyway, onto the "travelogue".

For those of you unfamiliar to overseas travel, particularly to this section of our vast globe, South Africa is super frickin' far away and consequently requires massive amounts of flying, walking, driving, shuffling, waiting in line, depressurizing and re-pressurizing, checking in, and carry-on bag toting. All in all the trip requires a full 24 hours of travel, but that doesn't factor in the inevitable extra time you'll need to readjust your biological clock and get over the jet lag. For that reason my wife and I set aside two weeks so that we could properly adjust to and get over the brutal travel regimen.

The inter-continental planes are friggin' huge and packed to the gills with all manner of international travellers. I must say that, despite the nearly unbearable flight length, the plane was full of distractions so that, at least temporarily, you can forget about the annoying inconvenience of it all. I did my part by watching some movies on the way up and back. I was sumarily wowed by such cinematic fluff as The Bad News Bears (a flimsy, uninspired remake), Fantastic Four (anything but fantastic), Transporter 2 (transport me to another movie, PLEASE! I mean, I'm all about suspension of disbelief, but COME ON!), and also Wedding Crashers (over-rated, but fratboys seem to be keen on it). Aside from these free on-demand movies I partook in some of the games provided on the touch-screen monitor in front of me which included poker, blackjack, and hours upon hours of chess. Surprisingly I barely touched my Nintendo DS, even though I went out of my way to pack it and a bunch of games.

Finally, I had the opportunity to catch up on all the reading that I've been missing as well. Don't get me wrong, I don't do books generally--I'm an avid magazine reader. Irreverent men's magazines like Stuff, Maxim, and the newer Sync will do just fine, thanks (how else am I to gauge what the hell gadgets to own and what's cool and what-not?). Oh, and I can always rely on the trustworthy Onion to provide many hearty laughs, great product/movie reviews, and interesting interviews with sometimes iconic underground figures and cult favorites. I barely had enough time to work in my former time-killer: crosswords. Despite the many distractions it was hard not to feel like I was suffering due to my almost complete inability to fall asleep on a plane. While others blissfully nodded off and snored like extremely irate Geese, I continued to engage in the provided distractions while straining my broken-blood-vesseled eyes.

But all things (good and bad) must come to an end. Finally, we reached our destination! Right away I was so stoked to....go to sleep. But sweet, sweet rest would not come immediately. No, before I could make a date with Ms.Sandwoman (sorry Mr.Sandman, I don't swing like that), I had to endure more travel aggravations. Joy upon joys! So we packed up our rented van and headed to Granny's for a visit. She was all too happy to see us as she entertained us with stories about my father-in-law's childhood and rejuvenated our bodies with various meats, breads, and cheeses. A cold brewsky offered additional refreshment. Seeing as how our bodies were spent, we made it a short visit and headed over to Marcel and Wendy's place.

Wendy is my father-in-law's sister (Kim's aunt). She is a delightful woman with a bright countenance consisting of big blue eyes and accentuated with a lovely British-sounding accent. Marcel, on the other hand, is an interesting foil to Wendy. He may come off as a bit on the gruff side--particular with his raspy Afrikans acccent, but he was as generous and accomodating as ever. We also met with their beautiful young-adult children Brit and Mark. It was great to be subjected to the family's hospitality as we were nursed to pre-jet lag levels of health before departing on the next leg of our journey.

We had already reunited with Granny at Wendy and Marcel's place. She, along with Auntie Elaine (whom we met at the airport), accompanied us for the 5-day excursion to the Hluhluwe (sounds like "shuh shlewy") wildlife reserve. Let me just tell you that these two elderly ladies (84 and 92 respectively) displayed more vitality than most people half their age. During dinners at the lodge they playfully joked with the family inbetween sips of rose' wine and ribbed one-another incessantly as only close sisters can do.

For Kim and I, the first two nights at the Lodge were torturous! Our hut wasn't invaded by ravenous baboons or carnivorous hyenas. No, we were attacked by a more pernicious, nefarious, despicable creature: the mosquito-or mosquitos I should say. Not only were we without a functioning air conditioning unit, but our bodies were veritable buffets for the pesky little blood-suckers. I became so enraged at times that I would strike my body in a crazed fury of slap-happiness, barking expletives all the while.

With a little bit of American entitlement, we promptly got switched to another hut with working AC. This move made the rest of our stay all the more bearable. The time at the lodge was interspersed with drives through the park sometimes with, sometimes without a guide. It's sad to say, but after awhile you stop becoming enamored with the sight of sheepish impala or the graceful giraffe. You just kind of shrug your shoulders at these beautiful African creatures as if they were a squirrel or a domestic house cat. I have to admit that part of my disengagement was due to the fact that this was my second trip to South Africa and I wanted to see a cat, dammit!!! And no, not a domesticated cat tossing it's own salad, but a beautiful and glorious lion with his harem of lionesses.

I got my wish. Well, sort of, for you see we ventured to a cat rescue facility. These people nurse various wildcats to health and then release them into the wild. It's not quite the same to see caged animals, but they did have plenty of room to roam. I loved the Serval cats with their uniquely shaped ears. The kittens were having a ball chasing and wrestling one-another while their pops couldn't stop hissing and growling at us oogling tourists. Then there were the leopards. Wow--what a presence! These slinky, but bulky cats passed up and down the length of the fence while siting any possible prey. At one point my heart skipped a beat when one of the cheetahs made a sudden move towards the fence, as if to say, "Back off, tasty morsel--you're cramping my stealthy style".

Later in the trip we actually got to see some "real" cats (i.e. lions in their own habitat). We had hired a nice guy by the name of Darryl to be our own personal park guide and he certainly delivered. It's wonderful utilizing these guides because they coordinate with each other using their walkie talkies so that they can rush you to the most recent animal siting. Our first "sighting" of lions happened so suddenly. As we were rounding a bend in the road, Darryl pumped the brakes and proceeded to reverse and then grabbed his binoculars. I don't know how he did it, but there, at a distance of about a mile was a mother lioness with her cub lying in the shade of a tree in a dry riverbed! We oohed and ahhed for awhile as we watched the cub occasionally lift its head and shift its position ever so slightly. Now, given the relative rarity of sighting lions, I would've been content with what we saw, but there was more lion action to be had. Towards the end of our guided tour we happened to come across a couple of trucks and a bus that had stopped to view a male and his mate. Darryl eventually drew us closer and at one point the lioness fixed her gaze on us intently and sunk real low as if she was going to pounce. It just doesn't get better than that folks!

That was the pinnacle of our animal gazing and the whole experience, like a full hot and hearty meal, left us feeling quite satisfied. We eventually parted ways with the rest of the family and it was time for Kim and I to start our side trip to Capetown, which I'll write about in Part II.