Unquestionably Uninspired

I felt compelled to write another post on my blog, so...here I am. I guess I felt like a bad parent or something. I birthed this child and have not given it much attention and nourishment. Bad me. You can give me a virtual spanking by clicking <HERE> My virtually rendered buttocks will appear on your computer screen and a similarly rendered fleshy hand will give those buns a good toastin. Well, not really, but you tried it didn't you, DIDN'T YOU???

The problem is, I'm just not too sure what to write. As the title suggests I am "Uninspired". This dilemma begs the question: Does one write for writing's sake? Some writers would answer in the affirmative--many encourage writing everyday. You can always cut out the chaffe later. Whatever. If that works for some, fine. Actually that's kind of how I work, although it helps to have some direction. Like the proverbial frustrated actor I have to ask, "What IS my motivation here people?"

On the other hand, does one wait for inspiration? Can one light the fire under the ass of inspiration or is it more like a slowly simmering pot of stew? Or maybe, as I'm prone to say, it's a little of both.

Now I'm no Astrologist (does that even NEED to be capitalized?), but that "both" business mentioned above must be the Libra in me talking. You know--the scales, balance, and all that? I'm all about the balance. I'm not that coordinated or whatever, but, you know, I just think that there should be balance in all areas of life. Ya dig? Call me a Buddhist, I don't care. In fact, I'd consider it a compliment, although I'm not shaving my head, donning a robe, relinquishing my material possessions, and moving into a monastery in the mountains...at least not yet. Maybe if I could take my Playstation Portable...

So anyway, getting back to the (sorta) topic at hand--what is inspiring? Is there a such thing as manufactured inspiration? Can it be mechanistic, predictable, induced? Generally speaking I believe that most great art is born from emotional pain. It's like the art becomes a conduit into a person's soul. Their inner world becomes expressed in the clearest way that they know how, using the tools at their disposal. This is true whether it's writing, painting, filming, acting, dancing, sculpting...hell, even scrapbooking (I KID).

The discussion above begs another question: What the hell IS art? Is something considered art simply because somebody labels it "art"? I've seen some paintings that look like some first grader got inspired because he wet his bed today. And what about those radical artists who shove some paint up their asses and crap on a canvas and sell it for five thousand dollars? Or consider this--is life itself art? The human body really is an amazing thing, you know. Unless you're Star Jones, that is. So anway I have to ask--is this blog art? Hey--stop booing! That's just rude.

So I'm generating all of these questions about inspiration and art, but do I have an answer? Not really, but I'm of the mind that there's no such thing as a stupid question. There are stupid people, yes, but not stupid questions. I mean, where would knowledge be without someone having the courage to ask "Who", "What", "When", "Where", "Why", "How", and "To What Extent"? Where would this blog be without the question I just asked? Or the one I JUST asked after that one? Or THAT one after the second one? Or THAT one? You get the picture...or DO you? Do I? Honestly I don't know...I'll get back to you on that one....maybe (don't you just love the suspense I create? I'm a regular Murder He Wrote scribe).

So--where was I? Ah yes, going nowhere fast. Have I lost you, my dear wayward reader? For that I am sorry. Well what am I anyway, a FUCKIN CLOWN? DO I AMUSE YOU?!?!? GO AHEAD PUNK--MAKE MY DAY. DYNOMITE!!

Now see here--did you you see how I just inserted a little scary sarcasm from Good Fellas? I then rounded it out with some snidely threatening Dirty Harry. For the finale, a little comic relief from JJ of Good Times. That, my friends, is artistic inspiration incarnate--taking three seemingly disparate entities and tying them together like hostages--hostages on the battlefield of Lost Inspiration and Randomness.

Well, let me get off this sinking ship. I'm surely not the captain, so I don't aim to go down with her. Sayonara Suckers--I got the only lifeboat! Land Ho!

Sunny Disposition (that's Sunny D)

Forget that purple stuff--I'm here with some Sunny D for ya!

Hey y'all, I'm back! Wait a minute! Look at how presumptuous I am! I'm typing "Hey Y'ALL" as if to assume that I have a readership of more than one. If you're (I'm using "you're" in the plural, singular, or hypothetical sense) continuing to check out my blog, then thank you for enduring my idle chatter.

I'm happy to report that it's sunny, warm, and breezy again in Sandy Eggo, so I'm no longer a "wet blanket".

Before I get all happy on your collective (or solitary) asses, I wanted to take a minute to focus on another problem...junk mail. Check out these apples:

Weight of paper in U.S. municipal solid waste in 1980: 55 million tons
Weight of paper in U.S. municipal solid waste in 1999: 87.5 million tons
Number of trees it takes to make a ton of paper: 24
Weight of catalogs and other direct mailings in the U.S. municipal solid waste stream in 1999: 5.6 million tons
Rate at which bulk mail was recycled in 1999: 22%
Number of garbage trucks it would take to haul away all the unrecycled Junk mail in the U.S. to landfills and incinerators each year: 340,000
Typical weight of 4 elephants: 17.8 tons
Amount of bulk mail delivered annually by each of the U.S. Postal Service's 293,000 letter carriers: 17.8 tons
Amount of time the average American spends opening bulk mail over the course of his or her life: 8 months
Percentage of bulk mail that is thrown away unopened: 44%
Money spent by U.S. companies on direct mail in 1993: $27.3 billion
Money spent by U.S. companies on direct mail in 1998: $39.3 billion
Tax dollars spent to dispose of Junk mail: $320 million
Pieces of bulk mail sent by U.S. non-profits in one year: 12 billion
Amount donated to non-profits in response to those bulk mailings: $50 billion

**Sources: U.S. Postal Service, E Magazine, Advertising Mail Marketing Association, Direct Marketing Association, Consumer Research Institute, Conservatree, U.S. Environmental Protection Agency

Holy flaming crap--8 MONTHS people! You spend 8 months of your lives opening junk mail?!?!? That's freakin insane--INSANE I tells ya! It's not only annoying, but it's a bane on the ecological health of our planet. You can probably wrap the earth twice over with just those stupid AOL disks that they keep sending you. But you can fight back. Take back your mailboxes, people! Like Public Enemy said: "Fight the power"! Here's some great online resources you can start with:

http://www.newdream.org/junkmail/
http://www.obviously.com/junkmail/
http://www.dmaconsumers.org/cgi/offmailinglistdave
http://www.junkbusters.com/
http://www.privacyrights.org/fs/fs4-junk.htm
http://www.junkmailstopper.com/

It's alright to have junk in the dumpster (that's where it belongs), it's alright to have junk in the trunk (in fact, it's preferred), but it's NOT alright to have junk in your mailbox. Take a stand, say NO to junk and say YES to a more eco-friendly earth.

This public message provided to you by Johnny Boy: Purveyor of Truth, Justice, and the American junkless way.