Journey to the Mother-In-Law Land: Part I In Search of Lions

Howdy readership. I figured I'd regale you with my recent excursions into the country of South Africa. Not to be merely confused withthe southernmost tip of the CONTINENT of Africa, mind you (which most Americans seems to think is a country anyway), South Africa is a beautiful, beautiful country. Yeah, it has its problems such as a reported %50 unemployment rate and coexisting poverty and crime, but so does any country.

Part of my motivation for writing this is to ensure that my recent experience there does not fade into the hazy recesses of my mind, only to be slightly jogged by the numerous photos that were snapped. For those who have had the pleasure of seeing the shots of the gorgeous countryside and wildlife (not to mention the obligatory tourist pose shots), this blog entry is to serve as a sort of adjunct to those visual aids. A kind of backstory, as it were. Anyway, onto the "travelogue".

For those of you unfamiliar to overseas travel, particularly to this section of our vast globe, South Africa is super frickin' far away and consequently requires massive amounts of flying, walking, driving, shuffling, waiting in line, depressurizing and re-pressurizing, checking in, and carry-on bag toting. All in all the trip requires a full 24 hours of travel, but that doesn't factor in the inevitable extra time you'll need to readjust your biological clock and get over the jet lag. For that reason my wife and I set aside two weeks so that we could properly adjust to and get over the brutal travel regimen.

The inter-continental planes are friggin' huge and packed to the gills with all manner of international travellers. I must say that, despite the nearly unbearable flight length, the plane was full of distractions so that, at least temporarily, you can forget about the annoying inconvenience of it all. I did my part by watching some movies on the way up and back. I was sumarily wowed by such cinematic fluff as The Bad News Bears (a flimsy, uninspired remake), Fantastic Four (anything but fantastic), Transporter 2 (transport me to another movie, PLEASE! I mean, I'm all about suspension of disbelief, but COME ON!), and also Wedding Crashers (over-rated, but fratboys seem to be keen on it). Aside from these free on-demand movies I partook in some of the games provided on the touch-screen monitor in front of me which included poker, blackjack, and hours upon hours of chess. Surprisingly I barely touched my Nintendo DS, even though I went out of my way to pack it and a bunch of games.

Finally, I had the opportunity to catch up on all the reading that I've been missing as well. Don't get me wrong, I don't do books generally--I'm an avid magazine reader. Irreverent men's magazines like Stuff, Maxim, and the newer Sync will do just fine, thanks (how else am I to gauge what the hell gadgets to own and what's cool and what-not?). Oh, and I can always rely on the trustworthy Onion to provide many hearty laughs, great product/movie reviews, and interesting interviews with sometimes iconic underground figures and cult favorites. I barely had enough time to work in my former time-killer: crosswords. Despite the many distractions it was hard not to feel like I was suffering due to my almost complete inability to fall asleep on a plane. While others blissfully nodded off and snored like extremely irate Geese, I continued to engage in the provided distractions while straining my broken-blood-vesseled eyes.

But all things (good and bad) must come to an end. Finally, we reached our destination! Right away I was so stoked to....go to sleep. But sweet, sweet rest would not come immediately. No, before I could make a date with Ms.Sandwoman (sorry Mr.Sandman, I don't swing like that), I had to endure more travel aggravations. Joy upon joys! So we packed up our rented van and headed to Granny's for a visit. She was all too happy to see us as she entertained us with stories about my father-in-law's childhood and rejuvenated our bodies with various meats, breads, and cheeses. A cold brewsky offered additional refreshment. Seeing as how our bodies were spent, we made it a short visit and headed over to Marcel and Wendy's place.

Wendy is my father-in-law's sister (Kim's aunt). She is a delightful woman with a bright countenance consisting of big blue eyes and accentuated with a lovely British-sounding accent. Marcel, on the other hand, is an interesting foil to Wendy. He may come off as a bit on the gruff side--particular with his raspy Afrikans acccent, but he was as generous and accomodating as ever. We also met with their beautiful young-adult children Brit and Mark. It was great to be subjected to the family's hospitality as we were nursed to pre-jet lag levels of health before departing on the next leg of our journey.

We had already reunited with Granny at Wendy and Marcel's place. She, along with Auntie Elaine (whom we met at the airport), accompanied us for the 5-day excursion to the Hluhluwe (sounds like "shuh shlewy") wildlife reserve. Let me just tell you that these two elderly ladies (84 and 92 respectively) displayed more vitality than most people half their age. During dinners at the lodge they playfully joked with the family inbetween sips of rose' wine and ribbed one-another incessantly as only close sisters can do.

For Kim and I, the first two nights at the Lodge were torturous! Our hut wasn't invaded by ravenous baboons or carnivorous hyenas. No, we were attacked by a more pernicious, nefarious, despicable creature: the mosquito-or mosquitos I should say. Not only were we without a functioning air conditioning unit, but our bodies were veritable buffets for the pesky little blood-suckers. I became so enraged at times that I would strike my body in a crazed fury of slap-happiness, barking expletives all the while.

With a little bit of American entitlement, we promptly got switched to another hut with working AC. This move made the rest of our stay all the more bearable. The time at the lodge was interspersed with drives through the park sometimes with, sometimes without a guide. It's sad to say, but after awhile you stop becoming enamored with the sight of sheepish impala or the graceful giraffe. You just kind of shrug your shoulders at these beautiful African creatures as if they were a squirrel or a domestic house cat. I have to admit that part of my disengagement was due to the fact that this was my second trip to South Africa and I wanted to see a cat, dammit!!! And no, not a domesticated cat tossing it's own salad, but a beautiful and glorious lion with his harem of lionesses.

I got my wish. Well, sort of, for you see we ventured to a cat rescue facility. These people nurse various wildcats to health and then release them into the wild. It's not quite the same to see caged animals, but they did have plenty of room to roam. I loved the Serval cats with their uniquely shaped ears. The kittens were having a ball chasing and wrestling one-another while their pops couldn't stop hissing and growling at us oogling tourists. Then there were the leopards. Wow--what a presence! These slinky, but bulky cats passed up and down the length of the fence while siting any possible prey. At one point my heart skipped a beat when one of the cheetahs made a sudden move towards the fence, as if to say, "Back off, tasty morsel--you're cramping my stealthy style".

Later in the trip we actually got to see some "real" cats (i.e. lions in their own habitat). We had hired a nice guy by the name of Darryl to be our own personal park guide and he certainly delivered. It's wonderful utilizing these guides because they coordinate with each other using their walkie talkies so that they can rush you to the most recent animal siting. Our first "sighting" of lions happened so suddenly. As we were rounding a bend in the road, Darryl pumped the brakes and proceeded to reverse and then grabbed his binoculars. I don't know how he did it, but there, at a distance of about a mile was a mother lioness with her cub lying in the shade of a tree in a dry riverbed! We oohed and ahhed for awhile as we watched the cub occasionally lift its head and shift its position ever so slightly. Now, given the relative rarity of sighting lions, I would've been content with what we saw, but there was more lion action to be had. Towards the end of our guided tour we happened to come across a couple of trucks and a bus that had stopped to view a male and his mate. Darryl eventually drew us closer and at one point the lioness fixed her gaze on us intently and sunk real low as if she was going to pounce. It just doesn't get better than that folks!

That was the pinnacle of our animal gazing and the whole experience, like a full hot and hearty meal, left us feeling quite satisfied. We eventually parted ways with the rest of the family and it was time for Kim and I to start our side trip to Capetown, which I'll write about in Part II.