Newport Blues

Since my URL is newportblues.com or whatever, I felt compelled to elaborate a little about Fox's new series: The NB, otherwise known as Newport Blues. But seriously, folks--those from the Tidewater area know what I'm talkin' about.

"Newport Blues" is a term of affection and/or disdain that is used to describe the Virginia city of Newport News, the town I called home for twenty-some-odd years. It is also commonly referred to as "Newport Snooze" or, as some of my formerly romantically frustrated male friends used to call it, "Newport Dudes". "Where the ladies at?" indeed.

Newport News is not to be confused with the women's clothing catalogue. That business has nothing to do with this fine town other than, in the occasional ironic twist, a Newport Newsian orders some clothing from said catalogue.

Newport News (N.N.) is known for its shipbuilding industry and military-heavy populace. From time to time a notable athlete can be found its midst, including Allen Iverson and Aaron Brookes (he's from Norfolk, but close enough). Additionally, the hip hop producers The Neptunes call N.N. their home (well...actually Virginia Beach, but again, it's close enough that we should get some props).

It was definitely a love-hate relationship with The News. It was by no means a bustling urban metropolis brimming with clutter, excitement, chance encouters, and crazy clubs, and we often hated it for this. "There's nuthin to do!" was an oft-heard lament. It was a slice or normalcy--pure and utter plainness. If anything, though, in a weird way this stilting environment bred creativity. So we didn't have too many clubs to sneak into or cultural activities to experience, we just became Mallrats, we hung out on the pier and smoked cigars because we were "men", we played basketball on low rims so we could dunk on one-another and drank Kool-Aid for refreshment, we clung to youth as we played hide-and-seek as teens in a churchyard, we started a garage band that sucked hard and sounded like organized wailing and noise, we creeped by female friend's houses to throw rocks at their windows and see if they could sneak out, we did donuts in the parking lot of whack clubs like Mitty's, we had pleasant conversations about life while sipping hot chocolate or coffee at Dunkin Donuts and Barnes and Noble, we became lifeguards who ruled over the children with iron fists and closed the community pool on a whim so that we could dork around with our buddies and order Taco Bell and Chanello's pizza using the guest fees, we raced wheelchairs in mostly-empty airports and waited to greet any incoming hot chicks, we played volleyball or took out a rowboat at N.N. Park, we went to Busch Gardens and rode the Big Bad Wolf for the umpteenth time or went to Water Country and pretended not to know the rules of the slide as we all went down at the same time while the lifeguards' whistles were blaring, we had friends that worked at theaters and gave us our own private screenings, we went bowling at Denbigh Lanes or putted around at Putt-Putt, we bought 40's of Colt .45 before we were of legal age, we had house parties, pool parties, or barbecues, we hung out at Atlanta Beer Garden (because we were "V.I.P's") and Cheddar's, we did community theater, and if we were totally strapped for ideas we'd venture elsewhere like the amphitheater, radio station, and college bars of William and Mary, the dance clubs and bars of Norfolk and Virginia Beach, or we'd merely cruise the strip of Va.Beach (before it was outlawed).


This wasn't everybody's experience of Newport News, but it was certainly mine. Growing up there wasn't so bad. If you ask me, any person that calls it "Newport Blues" or "Newport Snooze" does so affectionately, but, you know, maybe it wasn't the city per se that stayed with me. Maybe it was merely the good people with whom I had the pleasure of meeting and knowing. All in all the blah-ish environment of N.N. only allowed us to form deep and lasting relationships with people, at least in my experience. I don't know of too many people who have maintained relationships through middle school, high school, college, and beyond, but this happened frequently. To this day I hold many of my "Newsie" friends dear to my heart, even if I haven't seen or talked to them in awhile. No matter where they may, be I will always wish good "News" upon them.